ABOUT THIS SUMMER

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I have been so sporadic at posting I have decided I am never again going to title a return to blogging with a jaunty title announcing my return. This summer I didn’t have internet access due to living in the wilderness, three miles away from the nearest cell phone service. Also, another post will outline why this experience had to end, when I have properly processed this experience. It wasn’t not due to lack of internet or living off grid. Which might surprise a lot of people.

I really though of abandoning this blog. I lost motivation, felt like I couldn’t write and everything I posted was boring and dull and uninspiring. While I was living in a tent in the mountains, and then while I was recovering from what had occurred, I just didn’t want to write. I discovered a side of myself I didn’t really know about. A side that actually loved living in the backcountry and who was ok not being able to shower more than once a week because the generator wasn’t often on when I could shower (don’t worry, I swam in a lake every day, which was probably cleaner then the tap water in Ireland) and who got along absolutely fine without electricity.

I think I grew up a lot this summer. Having to melt snow, that one collects oneself, and manually flush toilets with buckets of water does that to a person. It’s kind of like what moving away to university is supposed to do, but if you mess up you might die and that really piles a lot of maturity on a person very quickly. There was an occasion, lying in a tent in 90 degree heat, in the sun, so weak from the flu and the incredible dehydration that comes with having flu at 6000 feet above sea level and not being physically strong enough to get water, I thought I would die. I even wrote a last paragraph in my notebook so that if I died my mum knew that it wasn’t my fault.

I didn’t die. The thirty plus horsefly bites on my leg that currently itch like thirty plus fiery hell-deamons are a constant reminder to that. My new found spec of adult experience does not stretch to not itching. I am not sure if it will ever stretch that far. I also am still terrible with money. Apparently, normal people keep track of how much cash is in their purse. I had no idea about that, or about how much cash was in my purse.

To synopsis this ramble, if that even makes any sense, I thought I might stop writing and I decided not to, but I think I might start doing more things and writing about them. Also I am going to work on the self doubt that makes me question every sentence I write and stops me from doing things I have planned that might be really really fun. Also, I am never going to take for granted ever again the simple luxury of turning on a tap and having drinking water come out.

2 thoughts on “ABOUT THIS SUMMER

  1. Clare says:

    Hi Caoimhe!
    I am really glad to see you back blogging. I have missed you. More on this blog post anon – have to get dinner now.
    Clare x

    Like

  2. geraldine mernagh says:

    Hi Caoimhe

    It’s great to have your blogs coming down the wire again. So glad you are not falling into the trap of letting self-doubt stop you doing things, which eventually become very worthwhile.
    I understand self-doubt. It’s the voice that says some body else is better placed than me to do what ever it is I am doing. It’s the monster that prowls around my bed at four am in the morning and says retreat back into your cave. But you were the one who taught me to keep swimming, even when I feel like I have to stop; that it was better to keep going, no matter how slowly, just keep going and it will get easier. You are right. you helped me to see the importance of by passing my brain and just doing it.
    Geraldine x

    Like

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